Long Journey

So this is one of those times when you feel like you should do something that you aren't really crazy about but know you have to do. I have been putting off this particular post as it strikes right at the heart of why I struggle to journal or blog. I have a hard time writing down personal things and don't always want anyone else to have access to my thoughts but I keep having the impression that I need to share this so here goes.
Back in July shortly after Brian & Katie arrived we found out that I was severly anemic and would have to be resting as much as possible. No lifting (try that when you have a 14 month old grandson lift his arms up to you!), no cleaning (okay so that one isn't as hard as the last one), no doing anything that was not absolutely necessary and laying down as much as possible(which ended up being MUCH more than I thought possible). It started out as a 30 day thing but quickly expanded into a 60-90 day thing and is now looking like a 4-5 month thing. I really struggled for the first couple of weeks. Katie and I had a conversation one day about obessive compulsive disorder and addictive personalities and how each of us at different times and in specific circumstances may qualify as obsessive. Thinking about that conversatin I realized that I have a very deep seeded sense of responsibility, if I think something is my responsibility I cannot let someone else handle it. My own version of being obsessive. I tried my best to hang on but found myself rapidly getting worse so I finally gave in and let Brian & Katie take over. This may seem minor but considering all that they ended up having to deal with it is a major undertaking. Riley, Kelly & Kaitlin do online school from home, and Kevin does traditional home school which meant daily supervision of lessons and internet use not to mention overseeing and correcting homework for all of them. It also meant that Katie became the new "PE teacher" as I could no longer go on walks with them in the mornings. Brian became the designated chef - since he is a gourmet cook there were few complaints and we are thinking of holding him hostage even after they are on their feet and can leave the shoe. They have both been chauffer and subsitute parent as Joe has had to work very long hours overseeing major construction at the plant the last few months. Along with all of this they have been trying to set up a photography business, find employment for Brian, oh yeah and did I mention they have a 17 month old son to care for? None of that even includes the class Brian is trying to finish, Katie going back to Utah one week a month to do her photography assignments for the magazine, 4 dogs, 1 cat, and a tank full of fish that need looked after, as well as overseeing all the housework, yardwork and the never ending "to do" list around the house. Last but not least helping plan a wedding dinner for Greg & Carinna. Thank heavens Katie is so talented!
So now it is October and I am slowly getting back into life. I have learned several lessons during this time. 1.Don't take your health for granted. I have been anemic in the past but nothing like this. There have been days when I literally could not sit up. It made me recognize how fortunate I have been to be healthy all my life. 2. The world will not fall apart if I let someone else handle something that I consider my responsibility. Brian & Katie have been amazing as they stepped right in and ran the house for me. 3.No matter what they say teenagers need their parents. I have to make sure to spend time with each child and stay connected to their life no matter how I am feeling. Kelly was starting to feel like she had lost both of her parents with me down & Joe so busy with work. Thankfully she was able to tell us how she felt and we made adjustments so she could spend time with each of us. 4. Grandchildren are a choice experience. Many days Tyler made me smile and laugh when it seemed there was nothing to smile about. 5. Daughter-in-laws and mother-in-laws really can get along! 6.Most important of all my Heavenly Father is aware of me daily and knows exactly what I need and when I need it. I have felt His hand often during this time. While I had hoped and prayed for a quick resolution to this He has had other plans. I have had to learn patience with myself and allow myself the "time off" to heal. I have had to be humble enough to accept help and allow others to offer service when I am used to being the one serving. I have more compassion for those with chronic health problems. While the journey isn't over and I'm sure there are many more lessons to learn, it is getting easier. I am thankful for each day that I feel good and grateful that I am aware that I have a loving Father in Heaven to look after me.